Reality

In the autism community, we refer to non-autistic kids as, "neuro-typical," or "NT" for short. As I write this blog, I realized that a lot of what I write talks about the boys in many was as if they were NT. A lot of what all of us do is based on our knowledge of the boys, of autism, of personality, of what works and what doesn't. So we often don't think of the boys as anything "special," per se, just as themselves.

Sometimes something - a look or the realization of what someone else is thinking - call me back to the reality of their situation. Sometimes, it's just something that happens.

Today I was helping out with Mikey. David is back "in" school. He is home-schooled. Mikey is not back in school until next week. David cannot concentrate on work when Mikey is around; and, with the elopement issues, Mikey cannot be let alone outside. Mom got some respite help for two days this week; grandma is filling in some of the remaining time.

So today, I brought Mikey over to our house. (Grandpa went to work of course.) He asked for nachos for lunch, and I didn't have chips or cheese - kinda important for nachos ;-) - so I asked Mikey, "Do you want to go to Von's?"

"Yes," he replied. So we stopped and picked up the required elements and came to the house.

As lunch time approached, I thought it would be a good teaching opportunity to have Mikey help with making the nachos - it's pretty simple: warm beans; grate cheese; layer chips-beans-cheese twice and pop in the oven. So here is where the reality sets in.

First, Mikey agreed to participate. I opened the can and realized - I have only a manual can opener. There is no way Mikey could open the can - he does not have the strength or dexterity in his hands to do so. I did get him to take most of the beans out of the can and put it in the skillet.

I tried to show him how to turn on the burner. I have a gas stove with an electric ignition. I showed him how to push down the knob, but he was not able to do it - same issue. He was able to adjust the flame.

Then I opened the cheese and cut of some chunks - he was able to handle the electric grater with no problem; he missed the bowl a little but not much.

I then directed him to put the layers on. He didn't put quite enough, and he didn't spread the cheese around - but he was able to complete the task.

I put the tray in the over-stove convection oven, and then had him turn it on. We had to do it 3-4 times before he got the steps in order - it involves the following:

Push the knob

Turn the knob to the right temperature

Push the knob

Turn the knob to the correct time (15 minutes)

Push the knob 2x

(BTW, it took me a while to learn the sequence; I wasn't trying to have him learn the sequence, just go through the steps under my direction.)

I think any "independent" living for Mikey will include helpers of one sort or another. One of my dearest friends reminds me that it's just a matter of an appropriate definition of "independent" that is at issue. It's not that I haven't thought about it before. It's just my "reality" check for today.