It's been a while ...

I can see it's been a while since the last posting. Well, a few things have happened ... I started a new consulting gig. We (hubby and I) went to China. (Harbin .. you can see pics on http://travelsofmarcdonna.shutterfly.com/harbin). We had a visit from 3 of my siblings and took a short trip to Palm Springs, where it was 80 and sunny; the following weekend we took the boys to the snow. I also took Mikey to Disneyland (his Christmas present was a pass) ... so I plead insanity.

Disneyland

This was an experiment for me - I took Mikey alone. I made a BIG story, with the rules. It included details: We will drive to the parking lot. We will park. We will walk to the tram. We will get on the tram and ride to the entrance...

We never tell Mikey in advance that he is going anywhere. For one thing, he has no concept of time. If we were to tell him he was going to Disneyland NEXT WEEK, he would ask for it every minute of every day, and cry and fuss. If we told him, "Grandma will take you TODAY," and anything happened that Grandma could not, it would be unbearable for him. So the school was notified but Mikey was not.

I went to pick Mikey up from school, a little before the school day ended - so I could beat the crowd. When I pulled up at school, he happened to be out in the yard with one of the therapists - he saw me and looked startled. I waved, then parked and went into the office. Did the sign-out thing, then went back out.

The office had called over to get him ready. He marched right up to me, looked me in the eye and said, "I love to go to Disneyland!!"

He was very good and followed the rules, which included going to the bathroom when GRANDMA needed to go, eating and being patient while eating, etc.; and SEVERAL steps before he could actually go on a ride.

This trip, it was several previous favorites (Haunted House, Muppet 3D and Bugs Life) but this time he wanted the Small World attraction - we rode it twice.

Snow!

We have taken Mikey on several "special" trips; David did not make any requests. He's still got some issues around getting outside his comfort zone. But the last time we asked, he said he wanted to go to the snow. Mikey must've heard him, because he asked for snow, too.

Snow Gear

Harbin, China is just south of Siberia. To prepare for that trip, we got snow pants. (We already had pretty decent snow coats, given we seem to end up back East by my family in winter sometimes.) The activity we participate in that took us there also provided coats, pants, heavy gloves, and various other things. So when it came time to go, we had plenty of gear. The only thing I bought was a pair of snow pants for David, who has outgrown Grandpa. He's heavier by at least 25 lbs. and I think the height barrier is about to go ...

Planning the Trip

We debated whether or not to make this a David-only activity; in the end, we decided to take Mikey, too. o I booked a cabin at Big Bear for one night. We also planned to rent a 4WD vehicle - my truck is 4WD but the boys are too big to ride in the back for more than a very short while.

Waiting

Once we had agreed to this adventure - which we did before Christmas - David started asking EVERY weekend, "When will we go to the snow?" At first, we couldn't because there WAS NO SNOW. But finally, the snow came (and came, and came, along with the local rain down here). And of course, I started my new engagement and we had the trip to China.

... and aWAY we GO!

But finally the day came. I picked up the rental vehicle; then we loaded about 40 cubic feet of snow gear into it, and our overnight bags, then we got the boys and off we went. Of course, there was another "story" for Mikey that talked about how long it would take; stopping for lunch; etc.

The boys loved the snow! David plopped and made snow angels. Mikey rode on the saucer down snow - then he just wanted to walk and walk and walk ... we had to limit his walking. Everyone slept well that night, too (the mountains are between 6000' and 7000' where we were). The weather was PERFECT - low 30s, little wind, and the snow pack was deep so even with a little melting there was plenty to play in. The main roads were all clear. At night it dropped below freezing and we had a light dusting of new snow.

The only odd thing happened the following morning - we got up and were out around 8 am (don't ask) playing in an area we had found that we really liked. After about an hour, Mikey said, "May I have home, please?"

We were not ready to go, and David certainly was not ready. We persuaded Mikey to stay on a bit. We did have to go finish packing up (checkout was 11 am). We also found a little zoo up there with a decent aviary (lots of eagles and predators), a bear, fox, beavers, and other local fauna, and Mikey agreed to go. We all enjoyed it, but he did especially.

At any rate, we left a bit earlier than we had planned; drove down the mountain; had lunch; then continued on to home - a good time had by all.

We did decide that if we repeat this exercise next year, we will take 2 vehicles. Grandpa and Mikey will have a short stay and Grandma and David will take the extra time.

Mikey and Foxy

Earlier this week (I was at the boys' house, math tutoring), as I went to leave, Mom said, "Wait! I have something for Aunt Evie." It turns out that Mikey made a likeness of Foxy! in ceramics. He said it was Foxy and it was for Aunt Evie! The likeness was astonishingly good (if I can figure out how to post a pic, I will).

As it happened Evie was on the list of "to-do"s that day. She took off the bubble wrap, her curiosity piqued. I had already explained that it was a gift from Mikey. When she saw it, she gasped, "Foxy? He made FOXY?" and she was near tears. Even the stolid Uncle Jim was impressed.

Tidbits

Mikey says ..

Mikey has limited verbal skills and issues with things like time and tense. He does know his phone number. He will dial the number but does not like to "wait" for ringing and answering, so he'll hand you the phone. If you hand it back, he will hang on.

On the days the boys are with us, we always have one of them call Mom right before we leave to let her know we're on our way. Mikey has learned some patterns: "Hi, How are you." etc. On the call-to-let-Mom-know-we're-on-our-way, he often adds, "Are you coming home?" I think Mom will repeat the question back, and then he'll say, "Yes."

Similarly, when Mom drops them off, there is a "leaving" routine - hugs, and something on the order of, "Bye-bye. I love you. See you tonight." Yesterday, Mikey added, "No smoking!"

Must be something he is learning in school - Mom hasn't for a while and Grandma and Grandpa never did. I don't think any of the aides/therapists do around Mikey (even if they do elsewhere).

In addition to that, Mikey is growing up - there are signs AND he has taken a great deal of interest in anatomy - his, and other people's. Last night, at bath time, he announced, "Shrek has a green [named male anatomy part]." I don't know for sure but my guess is, he's right!

David and Math and Attitude

We still don't know - even though David is much for advanced than Mikey - what really sets him off sometimes. Friday, he was totally Mr. Attitude and didn't want to buckle down to do math. Part of it was there are some hard concepts that are just a struggle for him; part is impatience. Both Mom and I came down pretty hard: She told him that if he didn't fix his attitude, he'd lose both his favorite video game and Mac privileges for the day. And after she went to the store some of it continued until Grandma said, "David, we are going to stay here and do this until it's done, even if it takes hours."

Things improved after a while. I did try to probe what the issues were but David was not able to verbalize them (not sure he could identify them either).

Friday he had an assessment and did reasonably well; Saturday we started new material. If you had seen him Saturday v. Friday, you would have thought you were looking at a different kid. Cooperative, happy and he GOT it. Bunches of stuff. Multiplying monomials, factoring quadratics, perfect squares, etc. It just worked.

After our Saturday session, I create his assignment for the week. He is expected to do some math every day. I had been assigning review items. For a change, I've assigned him NEW pie pieces (ALEKS math program) instead of review. And I think he's going to do just fine with them. There is one that is a bit of a challenge ... we shall see!

Banal

So David was watching on Cartoon Network. He announced to his Mom, "This show is banal and uninteresting." His vocabulary is extraordinary for a 13 year old. The more amusing side of it was the conversation between Grandpa, Grandma and Mom.

"BAY-nal" said Grandpa. Grandma said, "Beh NALL" and Mom said it differently. So then we had to look it up - Dictionary.com says all 3 pronounciations were correct.

Do you understand?

Mikey has difficulty understanding things, and he has a very deliberate idea about what he does and does not want to do. Recently, people at school, apparently, have been asking him, "Do you understand?" Mikey has started to respond to this - with "I don't want, 'Do you understand?'"

Haircut

The boys both have very thick hair and it grows very quickly. Grandpa started taking them (one at a time) to the barbershop. There is a woman there who works with them. Last time Mikey had a haircut, he was good with all the electric clippers - these used to be senory issues for both boys - but this time, when she got close to his ears, Mikey said, "Tickles!!" She had to finish with scissors this time - we'll see what happens next time.

Happy New Year

January 2

We had the boys the first Saturday of the New Year. Although Mom reported a lot of behavior issues the past few days, they were very good for us. (There was a minor and unexplained Mikey-episode at bath time: he didn't want his hair washed.) Mikey and Grandpa did chores at 1:00 p.m., as usual. Grandma and David did math, as usual. David got through 5 pie pieces (in ALEKS)! We normally strive for 2-3 and settle for 1 if it's a really hard lesson. Math is, of course, cummulative. And, per David, "Grandma's explanations are better than ALEK's." (The real difference between Grandma and ALEKS is that Grandma is PRESENT and can see which parts of explanations are not cutting it, and also see what kinds of errors David is making that reveal what he's thinking.)

Many weekends, we take the boys to a local park in the afternoon; sometimes we "go" somewhere like the Aquarium or Zoo. This week, we asked them if they would like to go to Bolsa Chica Wetlands for a hike. They enthusiastically agreed! (You can see pictures of Bolsa Chica on my Shutterfly account, under "Southern California" http://travelsofmarcdonna.shutterfly.com/.)

It was a beautiful day - over 70 F. at our house. We took jackets; Bolsa Chica is next to the ocean and in a breezeway. The hiking is not rigorous - clear paths and very little elevation gain - but it is a migratory path for birds, and they are out in force right now. We saw nesting herons, terns, lots of ducks. Grandma also pointed out a "motorized flying bird"; to which David, once he spotted it, responded, "That's an AIRPLANE!"

Further down the path, where it gets very close to the water, there was a sign that I had Mikey read: "Only birds beyond this point." Grandpa asked the boys if they thought the birds could read the sign.

The other notable moment was when David observed, "This is my first hike of the new decade!"

We went to a local pizza joint for dinner. They boys like going there because a) they do like the food and b) there are video games they can look at. We had the "family dinner" which has salad, pizza and spaghetti. The salad came first. Mikey said, "May I have dinner, please?" We told him, "Salad first, then dinner." I guess he doesn't see salad as a part of dinner.

De-decking the halls

This is not really an autism-related post. Today, I started taking down Christmas. I came from the East Coast, where the changing seasons provided a spiritual cycle to life. Southern California, where I love living, does not provide that same cycle. Life goes on endlessly blending itself from "season" to "season." There is no clear death/cleansing time when the world is purified by the white snow (well, except in the local mountain resorts). Taking down the decorations is the closest thing I get to it here - the end result is bleak and bare, compared to the warmth and festiveness of lights and decorations. I decorate everything downstairs, even the bathroom; and I have an LED/USB Christmas Tree that plugs into my laptop.

As an earlier blog noted, this has been a strange year for me, with Christmas very impacted. But taking down the decorations is also my time of reflection and personal dedication to the new year. This year, it is not as clear as it has been in the past; but I know I am on my way. Changes there will be; older I shall be. Live has a way of leveling and balancing out eventually. "May you live in interesting times" is, IMHO, a curse. I hope this year will hold very few "interesting times."

Cheers and Happy New Year!

Christmas!

Mac a hit!

Mikey still in the dark about Disneyland

"You got me a Mac?" he said as he opened the gift bag. "We got you THE Mac," Grandma answered, "It's the one you've been using," she added, as a grin surfaced on David's face. Outside of the chocolate-covered marshmallow Santa (consumed immediately), the only other thing that had brought a big smile to that point was an iTunes card.

When I started probing Mikey earlier in the month, "What do you want for Christmas?" he responded, "Presents!"

I tried to get a clarification - the best we did was when his Mom asked him. His response? "Candy cane!"

Because Mikey has no real concept of time, except short amounts, he has not been told that his present is an annual pass to Disneyland. The Southern California pass isn't good right now, and won't be, until Jan. 3 anyhow.

You never know with Mikey - this year, the one thing that caught on was a Sesame Street book with buttons and sounds that has Christmas songs and carols. The container of animals got an open but was quickly abandoned quickly.

This has been quite an up-and-down Christmas for me. Usually my favorite time of year - and still is - there have just been a bunch of downers that have sapped some - but certainly not all - of the joy out of the season. None of them had anything to do with the boys. Our daughter was in a car accident (everyone's more-or-less OK) and then she got sick right before Christmas. She was well enough to come over for a couple of hours, but not the usual whole day.

Some family members got upset with other family members, and refused to show up at the same place as the "other" family members (we elected the "Dear Abby" response of "Everyone is welcome here and we're not changing whom we invite.") It discombooberated the routine.

On the up side, I had a wonderful visit with one of my sisters in Florida in early December, and one of our brothers was able to join us for a day.

I did not get to the usual baking (minus) because of some construction we had at the house running almost until Thanksgiving - and the cleanup afterward really took a lot of time. OTOH, all the decorations got up (plus) in plenty of time !! And the house is VERY clean (double plus).

And Christmas Day, while somewhat quieter than usual with the reduced crowd, was actually very nice and much more placid than usual. My husband and I had a wonderful, quiet morning to share gifts and I even had time to add omelettes to our traditional Mexican hot chocolate and sweet breads. The boys had a wonderful day - not a single incident to report - and we did get to spend dinner with our daughter. So while it was not "the ususal chaos" it was a good Christmas.

Music, Maestro

David has become very interested in music. He is playing the drums - actually taking lessons and paying attention - and he has a iPod onto which he has loaded a lot of music, and he has created numerous mixes. His taste is definitely eclectic - not just "today's hits" but a whole array of music, from Ella Fitzgerald forward. (Unlike Mikey, he only tolerates symphony and does not care for opera.)

So yesterday I bought the new Sting Christmas album. The album is very non-traditional in the current sense; it contains many traditional and seldom heard carols, although there are a few standards like the Cherry Tree song.

I left it out on the piano; David saw it and started to comment on it immediately. He also looked it up online. He knew already who Sting was.

When asked if he liked Sting, he responded, "I appreciate his work. He is a modern-day Kenny Loggins"[!]

He launched into a set of comments made by other people, including those who think Sting "sold out" and several other criticisms. David has decided he likes the album, with the exception of one or two of the songs, and asked to borrow it (to add to his iTunes library).

Additionally, he has decided, "even though I don't really like your voice" that he would like to "make a cover album" for this one, using Garage Band, himself, my friend Richard and me. We shall see. (David has met Richard before but it's been a while.)

Captain Underpants

One of the book series that is - interesting - to the 10-12 year old male set is a series called, "Captain Underpants." The hero is - yup, you guessed it, a chubby male who wears diapers. I have not read them. David was into them several years ago; out of nowhere, Michael has suddenly taken a significant interest in them. This is progress, trust me. He brought 3 of the books with him today, and read through parts of them from time to time.

We also went to the park today, and Mikey engaged in play, with me, for the better part of 1/2 hour. (Also some progress - often when I'm around he pushes me into another place or room.) It was fun, but Grandma is not in the same shape as her 13-year-old grandson. The one who ate 2 hotdogs, a big mess o' baked beans, and 2 helpings of cheesy potatoes for dinner (then wanted dessert.) We suspect he'll shoot up to meet David soon.

As usual, after we got them home, they performed their nightly ablations, then went to bed. Not too sleep. We talked with Mom for a while and then realized that Mikey was still wearing the slippers that we keep at our house - so we went into his room to fetch them. Mom recovered him (he's a cover-kicker, just like his Aunt Evie), and Grandma bent over to sneak in one more kiss. "Sleep with Grandma!" was the response. I told him, "Not tonight" - but it was very sweet.