Foxy

The boys were, at one point, afraid of animals. All animals, except possibly small fish in bowls. Their mom got a kitten and that helped - along with some therapy on the topic. Thinks got a little better. But dogs were still an issue. At one point, David wouldn't even walk to the local park, for fear that there might be a dog somewhere in the area; even a dog barking behind a locked gate made him almost hysterical.

Well, my daughter got a dog. A chocolate lab puppy. This seemed like an opportunity to work on this issue. Of course, we waited a bit, until the dog was familiar with her surroundings and had started learning some basic commands. My daughter is an excellent, stern-but-fair, alpha-dog, owner. (Actually she's amazing.)

So the fateful day came when we went to her house with the boys for the first time since the dog. She lives in a condo with an enclosed patio area, so the property is not big. The boys were jumpy. The dog was too. It was very funny - Mikey would run from the dog, and she'd assume he was playing. We kept a very close eye on them all. David tended to run UP away from the dog. Eventually, David was willing to pet her, and Mikey loved her.

The dog is a chocolate lab, named (this is a groaner), "Foxy Brown." Labs grow fast to be fairly big, in case you didn't know ... We determined to make sure the boys saw her at least once a month, so her growth would be familiar to them. A few weeks ago, for the first time, she came to our house to visit. We have a large (by California urban standards) fenced back yard. Suffice it to say that everyone had a blast, and Mikey wore Foxy out!!!

Two weeks ago, Mikey said, "May I have Foxy, please?" Unfortunately, our daughter was working on a fund-raiser for the local no-kill shelter where she volunteers, so the request could not be accommodated. But yesterday, Foxy came over again. It was really funny - after having asked for her, at first, Mikey stayed in the house and did other things. "Mikey, don't you want to play with Foxy?" (no real response).

After about an hour, he decided to come out and play. He is doing very well with her. He now will hand her food without pulling his hand back at the last second and throwing it at her.

So there he was - running around with the dog. He stopped. He got down on his knees, his face next to hers. Slurp, slurp, slurpy kisses, all over his face ... Mikey got up and started running, "Yuck! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs!"

Although he doesn't make sentences like that all the time, he can repeat them when he's heard them. And at least it was situationally appropriate to quote Lucy. We think he wanted Foxy to "kiss" him just so he could say those lines. He repeated this several times during the afternoon.

Another issue for Mikey is verb tense, and time in general. However, last week we went to the local Aquarium. On the way home, he said, "We went to the Aquarium" [emphasis mine] all on his own. It was very exciting to hear him do this - it's something that needs to be reinforced.

David did not play with Foxy. He loves his cats but just isn't into dogs. We did make sure he came down, greeted and petted Foxy.

David is just starting 7th grade this year. He has been home-schooled, through a District program, since 6th grade. He completed both 6th and 7th grade "regular" math using the ALEKS (http://www.aleks.com) program and is now (at the beginning of 7th grade) working through pre-algebra. It's starting to get hard, as it is moving into more complex and abstract concepts - tough for many kids, but especially for literal-minded autistics. We did get through some lessons this week, but he avoided the harder (for him) ones. I said, "OK, David, but next week we do at least one hard one."

"O - Kay" he responded, sounding rather like Eyore.

Memory Tale: San Diego Wild Animal Park

Mikey loves the San Diego Wild Animal Park. We've taken him there most years since he was about 6. He loves the animals. The park is big, and even when there are a "lot" of visitors, it seldom feels anywhere near as crowded as other theme parks.

First Visit - Grandma Learns A New Animal

We started down the KILIMANJARO SAFARI WALK, which is a faux African trail adventure. (There is a well-marked concrete path the whole way, and a guide book.) There are animals and vegetation from Africa. I was trying to make sure Mikey looked at all the animals and knew their names. Ahead, I saw a black-and-white striped, hindmost part of an animal.
“Zebra.” I said.
Mikey muttered something in response, which I thought had “cop” in it.
”Zebra,” I said again, pointing to the animal.
Again, Mikey uttered the same thing, and I struggled to listen.
”Ze-bra,” I tried a third time.
Mikey raised his voice, too, and said, ”OH – COP –EE.”

It was then I saw the sign for the Okapi.

Screaming in the bathroom

Mikey was not potty trained until he was about 9 years old. Up until then he used disposable underwear; and his caretakers would help him clean up as necessary. This is not atypical for an autistic child; I've heard that some don't train until they are nearly adults. So our trips, of necessity, included carrying supplies and extra clothes in case of accidents.

Even more challenging, Mikey hated to be cleaned up after a BM. He would rather run around with the messy pants - it was as if he didn't even feel the mess - than have someone clean him up. (We've never figured out what the sensory issue was.)

So this particular trip, mid-day, the inevitable happened. Marc took Mikey into the public restroom, and he started screaming in protest. I stood outside the men's room, just in case he bolted in the process.

A women, a little older than I, stood nearby, obviously distressed by what she heard, and not quite sure what to do. She chose to speak to me.

"I wonder if that little boy is OK?", she ventured.

"He's my grandson. He is autistic, not potty trained, and doesn't like to be cleaned up. My husband is with him, and he is fine." I responded.

Oh, the things that go through your head at a time like that.

WhatIF:

The police or security come, and think you are harming the child? He won't tell you his name. Even if he did, our last name is not the same.

The police, security or social services don't believe we're his grandparents?

And worst of all, what if they separate us from him? He would be totally frantic.

It is very different to take care of a special needs child than a neuro-typical child. It's not that other people don't understand; it's just that there is no frame of reference for understanding, until and unless someone cares for that special needs child. With autistic kids, each experience is different, so it's not totally possible to use the same strategies or techniques from one child to another. There is no end or conclusion here, just another non-ordinary day.

Just an ordinary Saturday

Yesterday was a good day. That is, issues were minimal.

We went to the zoo. Mikey actually spent a lot of time with the primates in the "main" zoo. He went from exhibit to exhibit, pronouncing the name of each animal, mostly correctly. He did take a while with "margay" - it came out "magray" several times, but we got it right in the end. (David went off to other parts of the zoo with Grandpa.) He went back through all the exhibits about 4 times. The last time through, he climbed up on the fence and reached over to touch the sign with the animal names. This is a behavior we see various places - on TV especially. He'll watch and rewind tapes and rewatch, touching a particular character, and pronoucing its name.

On the way to the zoo, we observed an airplane takeoff, and it started a conversation that David wanted to join. I asked him if I could take him on an airplane someday.
"No, thank you," he said.
"Ah, please?"
"No. The airplane might crash." [David has gotten over many but certainly not all of his fears.]
"Even if we get to go somewhere fun?"
Pause. "No. I'm actually more of a Hobbit," he advised me.

Happy Birthday!

The boys' birthday party is always at our house. In years past, we have invited some folks we know, with neuro-typical (NT) kids, to join us. Over the years, they have kind of dropped off.

We have always encouraged David, who is much more social than Mikey, to invite friends from school. [In fact, when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade, he did invite folks; but when Mom tried to probe into what he told them, he responded, "Well, I told them it was Saturday, at Grandma's house."] Over the last few years, we have sent invitations to a few kids from the public school he had been attending; none ever came.

This year was different. Two of the home school families joined us for the party. Now, an NT party for 12-year-olds would involve dropping off kids at a house or some place like Chucky Cheese, an arcade, a miniature golf place. But when you have kids on the spectrum - let's just say, it's different AND the whole family comes. The count this year was about 11 kids and 15 adults. Several of the kids were on the spectrum.

Observation: Good parents make all the difference in the world. Both my husband and I were apprehensive when we realized how many folks would be around that day. To our very pleasant surprise, the children were polite and kind. Our friend with the most severely impacted child, a charmer named, "Beau," gives hugs and kisses, and has older sisters who are generous and engaging, not only with their brother, but with all the kids. At one point, I saw one of the girls in the bounce house with Beau and Mikey, jumping to a nursery rhyme. I have seen groups of NT kids who could not hold a candle to the positive and polite behavior of all the kids that day. And all the adults helped with all the kids.

Memory Tale: Peanut Butter Kisses

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I decorate for days, and bake for days. When the boys were quite young - perhaps 2-1/2 - I still put cookies out on the table. (Now the cookies get "put up" because it just doesn't work to tell Mikey to stop.) The usual holiday madness was going on.

As I passed by the cookie table, there they were - 8 peanut butter "kiss" cookies - minus the kisses! I guess someone liked the chocolate best of all.

Tidbits

Negative consequence

For a moment, I couldn't tell if the shriek was a person or a cat. We all stopped talking, and my daughter-in-law went toward the bedroom where the boys were supposed to be sleeping. "What's wrong?" she asked.
An agitated David - the originator of the scream - responded, "Mikey turned the night light off!"

[Mikey likes dark; David doesn't. But they want to sleep in the same room.]

"If you turn off the light, you won't be able to read your books," Mom said. End of this story. Except for this tag: I am most pleased the boys consider being denied books is a negative.

Algebra, Aleks and Pie Pieces

David's automated math program, Aleks, presents sets of concepts as wedges in a pie. Each pie section has a number of lessons, not always the same number. Completing a lesson is usually referred to as "completing a pie piece." After a couple of weeks, there is an assessment test. It is generated by time. One of the options for an answer is always, "I haven't learned this yet." If you click that button, and you have completed the work, a pop-up says, "Are you sure?"

David just lost 50 pie pieces during his last assessment test. He does not like having to do problems. I talked to him about this, and said, "David, I know what happened. You didn't want to take the time to do the assessment test, and you clicked the "I haven't learned this yet" button a lot. Right?"
"Right."
"Well, David, all that means is you have to do the work again."
"But I didn't remember."
"No, you didn't take the time to think." I know this is true because when we start doing the work again, he correctly solved problems that he had solved before. One of them he did not remember, and one of them is some of the beginning algebra. More on that in a moment.
"If you keep doing that, you'll be in 7th grade math forever. AND have to keep doing the same problems over and over again. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep a list of the concepts we learn this week, and next week, before we start doing anything online, we'll review these concepts on paper." He agreed to this much more readily than I thought he would.

Last week, we started working on slope-intercept. Except that all that he's asked to do for now is to graph linear equations (y=mx+b). David is very good at pattern matching and I could tell that he was not really "getting" the notion of solving for sets of answers.

Grandpa got us some graph paper. This week, before going online, I had already told him we were going to do some review.

So, first I had him solve y=x. Yea, I know it's silly; but last week, when this concept was first introduced, he had trouble understanding what to do with something like "y=2x+3" and was trying to find (2,3) as a point on this line.

So he found 3 points and drew the line. I followed this with "y=x+2" and had him put that line on the same graph. Also, "y=x-2." Negative numbers are not concrete - hard for any kid but especially for someone with autism.

"So David, what can you tell me about those lines?"

He looked at them for a second and said, "They are parallel."

I started to talk about it a little and he interrupted, "I GET it." We did do another set of similar equations, just to make sure. And we'll see how it looks next week.

GAN picnic

There is a local group called, "Grandparent Autism Network," (http://www.ganinfo.org/) that I joined sometime this past year. One of the ladies organizes an annual picnic at a part in South county that has a pool. I tried to volunteer to help, but they meet in the daytime, and I have a full-time job. So I brought cases of water and purchased one of the craft items that was used.

Neither of the boys knows how to swim. Both of them are sort of learning. Mikey has a life jacket that he wears, and he's willing to put his head under water - although we have to tell him not to breathe under water. So we were a little unsure about how long we could last at this. I don't swim either, although Marc does.

For the picnic, I made some chicken, deviled and hard boiled eggs, corn bread, brownies and brought some grapes.

The lady who organizes this gets lots of help from her church, and there were several adults dressed as clowns who were doing things like directions, handing out snacks, running the face-painting and [temporary] tatoo tent and the craft tents, signing folks in and tracking attendance at the pool. They did an extraordinary job.

David is "afraid" of many things. We are all working to try and expose him to some of these things in safe environments and trying to talk him through. And one of them is clowns. He didn't want to walk by them, park near them, etc.

And Grandpa said, "I don't think they are real clowns, just some people in face paint and funny hats." Bingo - that worked. David decided that scary clowns only came out on Halloween (we didn't argue the point).

Mikey wanted the pool. Period. He was willing to sit and eat, once we told him he had to do that before going to the pool. He was mostly pretty good; he got a little huffy when I told him to finish his chicken, but he didn't fuss too much. And he was antzy but didn't run off when we took the time to clean up our mess.

I did get to meet - briefly - the lady who organized the picnic, but not to really talk to her. Guess that will wait for another day.

Oh, and P.S. - the pool was fine. We had a good time. It was large, there were plenty of life guards, and the pool was roped. Mikey made comments about jumping off the board into the 12' water, but we told him he had to stay on this side of the rope; and that if he went past the rope, we would immediately go home. He understood and we were all fine.

I like to sleep at Grandma's house

From time to time, we have the boys overnight. (It generally means grandpa and I go to bed a little early, and the boys a little late.) And of course, Grandma - who is always up first - fixes breakfast.

So one bright Sunday morning, Grandpa asked David, "Do you like to sleep at Grandma's?"
"Yes!" came the reply.
"Why?" Grandpa asked.
"Because it smells good!"
"What," asked Grandpa, "does it smell like?"
"WAFFLES!"

OK, I admit it - I make homemade waffles when the boys stay over ;-).